Topic outlines from comments and questions

This post shows screenshots of outlines that we compiled during class meetings today. The outlines represent topics of interest gleaned from peer-to-peer comments and questions on posts of previous draft essays.

The first four screenshots below represent topics that came up in section 1A (§1A, below). I've moved a few of the topics up, down, or side to side, to put similar topics together, and sub-topics at similar levels in the organizational hierarchy. The next three screenshots below represent topics that students in section 1C shared in class, some of which I've rearranged or re-combined as well.

As you review your own essays, and plan your next revisions, please feel free to select, (re-)mix, and match topics from either or both of the extended outlines below, to amplify and extend in Essay 1-02b what you've already written in Essay 1-02a.

§1A

RoughOutlines1A-1

RoughOutlines1A-2

RoughOutlines1A-3

RoughOutlines1A-4

§1C

RoughOutlines1C-1

RoughOutlines1C-2

RoughOutlines1C-3

[149 words]

More comments to read and heed!

As I pointed out at the beginning of a similar post last Friday:

This post consists of a collection of comments that I've posted in one section..., many of which are awaiting approval for publication on your blogs. I'd like to ask you to [publish those on your own blogs,] read them all through, and follow the advice, reminders, and suggestions that they contain – in all posts and commentary. 

(Comments for everyone to read and heed! May 20, 2011, ¶1; 

with ellipses and square brackets for changes since posting)

Though this list was for another section, §1C, the "advice, reminders, and suggestions" that I'm listing up here should inform one and all.  The comments below, like those in the previous list, appear (or will when approved for publication) on individual blogs. 


Again, comments that I've left on more recent posts appear toward the beginning of this list, and those I've left on earlier posts, toward the end. Also, a quick preview of the labels at the foot of this post will help you get ideas about the various foci, before you begin to read through all of the comments I've collected here.


If you have immediate concerns or questions about them, please voice them during our next class meetings (May 25, 2011). If concerns or questions occur to you later on, please post them in comments on this post.

Hi Emi, It is a pleasure to see you've gotten a start on your book reviews. However, I'm wondering: Is the content of this book review entirely original? That is, is it all your own ideas, in your own words? Rather than to retell stories, and spoil the endings for other readers, you should focus on what you thought and felt before, during, and after reading the books you review. That is, except for the juicy quotation at the beginning, you should write no more than you can remember with the book closed. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日月曜日

Hi Yuka, It is a pleasure to see you've gotten a start on your book reviews. However, you seem to be forgetting to include juicy quotations and APA-style references in you book review posts. Please follow the examples in mock-up posts on the Writing Studio Blog (April 20, 2011). Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

Hello again! Please remember to include at least three labels, too: "books, fiction, reviews, ...," to distinguish this sort of review from others, for example, such as music, restaurants, or websites. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

Hi Ko-hei, It is a pleasure to see that you are up to your fifth book review (BR). However, it isn't clear from the layout where paragraphs on different topics begin and end. You need to show readers where you're changing topics by putting blank lines between paragraphs in the body of your posts. You also need to review the quotation and reference in the example post on Writing Studio Blog (April 20, 1011), and add similar juicy quotations and APA-style references to all of your BRs. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日月曜日9:09:14 JST

Hi Arisa, Thanks for sharing your impressions of this story. However, I'm wondering: Is the content of this book review entirely original? That is, is it all your own ideas, in your own words? Please let me know in class on Wed., May 25. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日月曜日

Hi Natsumi, Great info. on certification and licensing exams? How do you say "eibei" in English? Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日月曜日

Hi Takahiro, When you write book reviews, rather than retelling stories, it is better to tell us what you think before, during, and after reading the books. Please leave the story-telling to the authors; tell us: why you chose the book; whether you liked it, and why (not); and for whom you recommend it, and why. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日月曜日

Hi Yukina, Will you please shorten your name to "Yukina N...," and avoid spelling out family names in posts and comments from now on? I'd also appreciate your choosing darker text colors, or a lighter background, to make your posts and pages easier to read. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

Yuka, Thanks for all of the info. about the dance club. Now will you please do all of your readers two favors? First, please give every post you write a catchy an informative title of your own. Then please type line returns only between paragraphs, and then always type two.] Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

Arisa, As Mr. T. instructed you to do for your first essay, and I've said in class, please spell out neither family names nor the name of the university in comments or posts. Please use "Arisa H...," or simply "Arisa ...," and "KGU" instead. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日月曜日

http://baby-arisa.blogspot.com/2011/05/br-1-05-new-school.html#comment-form [recast of comment to emi, 2011年5月23日月曜日 (above)

Hi Sakarako, Would you please shorten your name to "Sakurako K..." in this and any other posts or comments in which you've spelled out your family name? Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

L`Arc-en Ciel from Happy Days by Sakurako ///// Hi Sakurako, I gather listening to your favorite music helps you relax when you're tired. Where did you get the picture? Please let me know in class. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

Hi, Saori, I'm wondering: Is the content of this book review entirely original? That is, is it all your own ideas, in your own words? I'd also like to know why you used the labels "essays" and "outlines" instead of "fiction" and "reviews". Please let me know in class on Wed., May 25. Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

ko-hei, Would you please shorten your friend's name to "Ryouhei S...," and do the same for any other family names in posts or comments – except authors' names in book reviews? Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

Hello, Yudai. Perhaps you posted this before you got instructions from Mr. T. about your first essay. He has asked everyone to spell out neither family names nor the name the university, but you have in this post, and in another about him on April 17. Would you please remove them from existing posts, and avoid using them in any future posts? Cheers, PB 2011年5月23日

[1098 words]

APA Style Blog: Can You Cite Personal Life Experience?

Chelsea Lee, in the APA Style Blog: Can You Cite Personal Life Experience? (April 28, 2011, ¶1), defines "the purpose of the reference list, which is retrievability of the source for the reader." Lee goes on to explain the purpose of academic citations as consolidation of our "foundation of knowledge" (¶2), and sums up as follows: "...[I]n general, you should provide sources for specialized facts and knowledge. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t speak from personal experience or opinion in your writing" (¶3).

[83 words]

"When you're in space the weather's fine" (Stormy Mondays).

Here's a bit of upbeat music, Sunrise Number 1 by Stormy Mondays, to help get you through day one of next week, and maybe even pick you up again off and on when the rainy season arrives.  A Jamendo listing for this song says it's a "...[f]inalist for the 'Wake up song' contest - NASA Space Rock ..., two [of which] will be played in the very last space shuttle mission" (Album description, retrieved 2011.05.21).

Royalty free music for professional licensing
In fact, this is the top place finisher in NASA's Original Composition contest. Another music player with all ten finalist songs (voting closed) is available here.[107 words]

Comments for everyone to read and heed!

This post consists of a collection of comments that I've posted in one section (1A), many of which are awaiting approval for publication on your blogs. I'd like to ask you to [publish those on your own blogs,] read them all through, and follow the advice, reminders, and suggestions that they contain – in all posts and commentary. 

The labels ... [at the foot of] this post will be a good place to start, because they can give you a general idea about the various foci in the comments [that] I'm listing here for everyone's benefit. [Comments on older posts are closer to the end of the list.]

Thanks in advance for your continuing cooperation.

Hello, Kazu. Would you please shorten the name of the university to KGU, and add blank lines between paragraphs to make it easy to see where they begin and end? Cheers, PB [2011.05.20: Spell-check, too!]

haramicky, would you please shorten Misaki's name in your post to simply Misaki, or Misaki K., and then avoid revealing that much personal information in all future posts and comments? Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

matsuyuki, would you please shorten the first line in your second paragraph to "I live in K... [, a] city ... [that] is far from this univercity," and then correct the spelling of the word university, throughout your post? Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hi Miyuki, Thanks for keeping your blog display in English! Now would you please shorten the name of the university to KGU, and add blank lines between paragraphs to make it easy to see where they begin and end? Cheers, PB May 20, 2011

Ayayah, Would you please shorten the professor's name in your essay to something like "Prof. H. H.," and then _avoid_ using students' and teachers' full names in either comments or posts? I'd also like you to _delete_ the first two comments that you got (May 16 and 18, above) for the sake of preserving privacy, too. I'll replicate those comments below, with names shortened for you, so the gist of them will still appear after you delete the original comments that included full names. matsuyuki さんのコメント... H.... H.... is nice~ ^^ 2011年5月16日23:20 ca☆pi さんのコメント... I like H... H... ♡haha 2011年5月18日9:37 Last but not least, please share what you learn from this comment with your classmates and peers. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hi Momo, Thanks for marking this with the "typing" label. You could also use a few other labels such as "home, holidays, [and] quickposts." However, it would be better to shorten the second sentence in this quickpost to, "My hometown is ... in Nagasaki," so as not to reveal to much personal info. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hi poker face, I appreciate your labeling this post "typing." Other suitable labels for this post may include "food" and "habits." However, don't you think something like "Food and Eating Habits" would be a more attractive and informative title than "Typing homework 5"? The same goes for your other typing trial posts. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Chihiro, Would you please shorten the _all_ instances of the name of the university to "K...[GU]"? Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hi Eimi, Thanks for responding to your classmates comments so quickly. Now would you please enter blank lines between the paragraphs of your essay, to make it easy to see where they begin and end? You also should make clear in the introductory paragraph who your intended or target audience is, rather than in a supplementary remark after the end of your essay. Cheers, PB 11/05/20

Maki, this is neither one of your "essays," nor one of your "drafts." If anything, you should label it "essay prep., [and] quickposts." Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Mina, if you post your typing trials separately, you'll get a higher number of posts, if not words, for your Proto-Portfolios! Cheers, PB 20/5/11

"ページが見つかりません ブログ Kazumi blog 内のお探しのページは存在しません。" [Thanks for removing this post with no content. PB, 2011.05.20]

Hi Matsuyuki, Belated congratulations on your birthday! Now would you please shorten the first line of this post to, "[In] April ..., I became 20 years old!"? If you're not certain why, please ask in class. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hey, haramicky! The quotation at the head of this post isn't from Burnett (2005), is it? If it isn't, it should be. The BR number probably ought to be 1-01, too. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hey, kazu! That's a pretty long BR! Did you remember all those details after you closed the book, and write it up ln your own words? There is no need for you to re-tell stories. In fact, you shouldn't; we just want to hear what you think about them. I'd also like to see page numbers in parentheses ... right after the juicy quotations at the head of your BRs, which you must type exactly as in the books. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日 [http://kazuminnie-18.blogspot.com/2011/04/br-1-01-princess-and-pea.html#comment-form]

Aya, Would you please shorten your name to "Aya T...," and mine to "Mr. B..." in this post, then avoid spelling out any family names in posts or comments – except those of authors in your book reviews? Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hi Momo, I have a favor to ask. Actually it's more of a reminder of what Mr. T. wrote when he sent you your placement essay to post on your blog, and what I've told you in class. In the introductory paragraph of this essay, would you please shorten your name to "Maki T...," and the university's name to "... [KGU]"? Then please remember not to use any family names in either comments or posts. That is, except authors' family names in reference citations for book reviews. Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hi Mina, This is just a quick note to remind you not to use family names in posts or comments – except for authors' names in book reviews. Please shorten yours to "Mina T..." here. Cheers, PB 20/5/11

Hi Chihiro, I appreciate all of the details you've included in this post. Yet it would be nice if you gave it a catchy, informative title. It would also be better, in general, not to mention employers or schools by name. So would you please replace what you have in the second paragraph with the following? My father works at ... [a very large] company, and he loves his work, so he goes to work even on holidays. My mother works at an insurance company, and she distributes handbills everyday. My brother is a ... high school student [at a large public high school], ... Cheers, PB 2011年5月20日

Hello again, Thanks for shortening your name in this post. It also would be a good idea to change your hometown to "Y... [C]ity," and to leave the date off your birthday. Cheers, Paul 2011年5月20日

[1224 words]

Embedding Proto-Portfolios in Pages: A Critical Detail

If you try to embed a Google spreadsheet in a blog page, without switching to Edit HTML mode, a preview will look something like this:

[angle bracket]...iframe frameborder="0" height="500" src="https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreadsheet/pub?hl=en&hl=en&key=0AgnNbaBa_zgpdFZJRGhWNWoyazJ6N0dDN3lIdXp3OWc&output=html&widget=true" width="500"...[angle brackets]/iframe[angle bracket]

If you paste the iframe code for a spreadsheet into your page in Edit HTML mode, as you should, the spreadsheet will appear in the preview.



Please note, however, that links and scrolling controls aren't functional in previews.

If you have concerns or questions about embedding spreadsheets in pages or posts, please voice them in class, or spell them out in comments on this post.

[103 words]

'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2' Trailer (VIDEO)

Huffington Post Entertainment announced the release of the movie trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, and said, "Breathtaking CGI, deep and rich colors and a feeling of something larger than life pervade the trailer" (2011.04.27). What do you think of it?



The movie is scheduled for release on July 15. I imagine that's for the U.S. I wonder when it will open in Japan.

[68 words]

Course Links: Highlights – May 2011

The three websites listed in the screenshot above are about halfway down the Course Links list in the sidebar of the Writing Studio Blog. There are links to lead you directly to those websites in the sidebar (not in the screenshot in this post).

Citation Maker

The first link, Citation Maker, has been in the link list for a year or more. It points to a tool for generating reference citations that you can use to produce APA-style references for your book review (BR) posts. Please note that rough reference citations that you produce with Citation Maker are fine for now.

However, when you transfer those citations to your BR posts, I urge you to modify the APA-style. Please type out authors' full names: Family, Given. Then readers of your book reviews can see that you've got the right names, in the right order for reference citations.

Purdue OWL

The Purdue OWL [Online Writing Lab] Search page, I added to the Course Links list today. That search page covers the site I browse when I need detailed information about how to write APA-style references. For example, yesterday I wanted to check the style for a periodical, rather than a book. My search took me here:

• Purdue OWL: APA Formatting and Style Guide

• Reference List: Articles in Periodicals

There is a similarly detailed explanation there for references to books:

• Reference List: Books

Please note, once again, that for practical purposes in BRs you should spell out authors' full names: Family, Given. Use a modified APA-style, so we all can see that your citations of authors' names are accurate.

Phras.in BETA

Phras.in BETA is an easy tool to use when you're wondering about the wording of something you're writing or revising, after you've checked the spelling. Just paste or type in a phrase, and Phras.in displays the number of Google hits it gets. "Low figures mean ... that very few people ever phrased ... [it] that way, thus it was probably incorrect" (Phras.in, Why, 2011.05.10). 

Phras.in BETA will also list numerous contexts in which the phrases you're checking appear. This function is especially useful when you get high figures for two or more different wordings. To find out how it works, please use the "Contextualize 'em" button to you try it out with these example phrases:

• speak at
• speak of
• speak to
• speak with

[400 words]

Comments Awaiting Moderation

Two people left comments on the Writing Studio Blog towards the end of last month (April), comments that Blogger caught and flagged for moderation. They were on a post on which I had called for comments in February, March, and early April (post and comments).I found their comments Awaiting Moderation under the Comments tab in the Writing Studio Blog dashboard, shown in the picture below.

As you can see in the list above, each comment included no more than one word, "Hello." Yet I wonder why the authors of those comments wrote nothing more, such as "questions about any part of the Writing Studio Blog" (Welcome from Voki), or "what ... [they'd] found [most surprising] as [they'd] looked around the Writing Studio Blog" (follow up comment by pab, April 13, 2011).

If the authors of those as yet unpublished comments are around, I'd like to hear back from them here, on this post (Comments Awaiting Moderation; May 8, 2011). I'd like to get follow-up comments from them, explaining what they were thinking when they made such minimal comments, so long after their classmates and peers had looked around the Writing Studio Blog, and chimed in with interesting and thoughtful comments of their own.

[203 words]